Y’know the place where we haven’t quite finished with one thing yet are taking tentative steps forward with that other thing?
Like, my neighbour, just diagnosed with prostate cancer. Or the wife — of my husband’s best buddy — who just lost the love of her life. My client — just launched a magnificent new service offering and is seeing strong signs of interest. Or the girlfriend who decided to run in a new (with even more responsibility) elected position this fall. Even my Pilates teacher, every Saturday morning, regales us with the latest stories about online dating for the over 50-year-old crowd.
It occurred to me today that every one of us lives in the in-between space.
Every single day.
Think about it. We are born and grow into young people Who may or may not get married, start a family, a career, or even invest in something substantial. Most of us lose our jobs at least once in our lives. We retire. Every single one of these things is about the in-between.
Our entire life is being in between. And yet, we have spent more thought and energy about permanence, stability and safety.
There is no permanence—just a different mutation of the in-between stage.
One of my dear friends says, “Living well despite the ‘all the rest’ is the key to happiness – savouring – relishing because it’s quite the miracle that we are here at all.”
I want to share some ideas about adapting and finding the happiness we need.
For the in-between.
1. Think of a flamingo – the pink bird standing on one leg – whose balance seems to come quickly. It is almost as if it sees what was and what will be and stands firm in the face of uncertainty. Likewise, you can be informed by what came before and plan for a future yet to be. Never resist the temptation to be fully present in the now. The now part is where the real magic happens.
2. Make peace that you have one foot in the life you are moving away from and one in the future. You are NOT entirely in either place. But, please stay here in a balanced state of mind, for there is much to know and learn before going forward with new plans.
3. Embrace the in-between by trusting without understanding! Some things cannot be known in advance and are not meant to be understood intellectually.
4. Understand that beyond our ordinary worlds (as defined by our memory, intellect, and five senses) is a mystical realm of beauty, magic, and extraordinary potential. This place doesn’t operate under the same laws we’re used to but has a perfect way of working, though challenging for us to understand.
5. Remember, no matter how hard you try to understand why something happened or how or when it will happen, what is most important is surrendering to not knowing. The Mystery is a mystery because it is unknowable and unmade at present.
6. Your job is to stay the course, allowing whatever comes to be exactly as it will, without trying to figure out anything in advance.
Like all things, some of this will work for you. Could you keep those parts only? Because the most important thing to know is you are the main character in the beauty of your life. Consider it a play with you, the star. Despite ‘all the rest,’ we find our north star when we live well.
Care to chat about it?