Forgiveness: To More Peace this Season

Certainly not because of parties and social things. Instead, because many of my brother’s estate details are finally ending. (Notice I said many; I did not say all). One of the things I am doing is taking a portion of the estate proceeds and setting up RRSP investments on behalf of my nephews.

To be clear, doing this once is a pain in the posterior for us to do for ourselves. Doing it three times with a possibility of six (for anything spousal) is a TON of work. I am very grateful that the estate financial advisors are brilliant at what they do.

One of the topics that came up in my ‘Auntie’ discussions with the three nephews was Forgiveness. Having never been introduced to a perfect family, I will assume that your family is just like mine.

Dysfunctional is the best word to describe it.

Dysfunction always leads to hurt. Hurt drives emotions. Emotions play a massive part in our well-being. They get in the way of us having neutral and even happy memories. And emotions can rob us of the best parts of our personality. When the best parts of our personality are stifled, forgiveness is often the best antidote.

Forgiveness is not always about the other person. It can also be about ourselves. Because when you believe it always takes two to tango in anything we do or is done to us, there is always part of ourselves that we can also forgive.

In my experience, most people object to forgiving the person who hurt them. Because they view it as a ‘gift’ to that despised person. Truthfully, forgiveness is the best gift we can give ourselves. Because it allows us to process the emotion and then put it away safely, gently, and with finality. Sadly, it takes years for most of us to learn that lesson.

I can share only one piece of wisdom about Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can help us move forward and find peace. It involves letting go of negative feelings and replacing them with positive ones. Forgiveness is difficult, particularly when someone has deeply hurt us.

However, forgiveness is a choice we get to make.

We can CHOOSE to let go of our anger and resentment and replace them with compassion and understanding. Or we can CHOOSE to store those emotions forever, be triggered at the slightest thing and remain resentful and miserable.

So, no. Forgiveness is not a gift to the other person. It is our CHOICE.

This holiday season, emotions will likely run high. They always do. Choose wisely.